Week 19- already a worried mom

With every doctor’s appointment that comes, you can pretty much bet the same routine will happen time and time again. Days or even weeks before the appointment, I start to get nervous and worried that we might get bad news. I make myself sick thinking about all the possibilities that could go wrong. Without fail, I promise Chris that I’ll be less worried after the next appointment and Chris always reassures me that everything is fine. I swore to him that I’d feel better after the first appointment, then it changed to three months, then it moved to four, now it’s lengthened to "after the big ultrasound” and when the baby could possibly be able to survive by himself.

Who am I trying to kid? Nothing is ever going to change. I know I’ll worry about him even after he is born when I’m snuggling him in my arms. I’ll worry after leaving him with someone else or when I watch him walk into school for the first time. I’ll worry as he grows, makes friends, and faces trials. That's what moms do, they worry. I'm just getting a good start.

So when the hospital called and offered me a free ultrasound this Thursday just for letting them probe me and look at the size of my cervix, of course I agreed. I know it is silly because I get ultrasounds every 4 weeks, but I can't pass up another chance to see my little guy and feel a little more relieved he’s okay. Plus, how many people get the opportunity to measure their cervix? You know you're jealous.

We have three appointments in the next five weeks, so hopefully we can get at least one good picture that we can actually tell what we are looking at.