I am not a decision maker. With that being said, I have about a week to make my decision.
The question isn’t can I do it, because sure I can. The question is do I want to do it and is it worth it. Is it worth my sanity?
For the last month or so I have had anxiety about starting school again. The last two years have been so hard for me. Maybe it’s just my personality, but sadly my entire life revolves around school from August to July. The housework slacks, the good wife disappears, and out comes the obsessively stressed out teacher with way too much to do. Teaching is like a heavy burden that follows me around everywhere and is constantly in my head telling me how many papers I still have to correct and how little time I have to do it.
After the first year of pulling in my parking space in the early morning dark and pulling back out at night without seeing a drop of daylight, I decided something needed to change. The obvious answer was that I was trying too hard and doing too much. Yes, I am a perfectionist, but the solution of slacking a little more and depending more on teacher aids still didn't solve the problem. I feel like I slack already, how can I let even more go? I decided I picked the wrong subject to teach. It’s not just me, all the English teachers seem to have my same time problem.
So, is this what I really want again for this year? Do I want to jump back into school when I just barely found happy Mitzi again these last few school free months?
With Chris’ first year of pharmacy school and a new baby, I often think I need to be at home. With us both going full speed, I'm sure Hayes would suffer if not. When school starts, Chris would have to give me more laundry responsibilities and dish scrubbing lessons though so I could be a good wife again. But at the same time, I think I shouldn't waste my degree and give up on something that helps society and doing something that I think I do well. Why can't I make a decision? Either decision I make makes me feel guilty and like I'm doing something wrong or letting people down.
I have one week to decide or I'll have to pay a $500 fine if I quit. Right now I'm leaning toward staying with my family and trying to make money wherever I can. My family is my numero uno priority, so I need to do what is good for them, but thinking of quitting makes me sick to my stomach. What to do, what to do?+goodcopy.jpg)
To leave on a happy note, here is a picture I snapped of my 3 month old!
The question isn’t can I do it, because sure I can. The question is do I want to do it and is it worth it. Is it worth my sanity?
For the last month or so I have had anxiety about starting school again. The last two years have been so hard for me. Maybe it’s just my personality, but sadly my entire life revolves around school from August to July. The housework slacks, the good wife disappears, and out comes the obsessively stressed out teacher with way too much to do. Teaching is like a heavy burden that follows me around everywhere and is constantly in my head telling me how many papers I still have to correct and how little time I have to do it.
After the first year of pulling in my parking space in the early morning dark and pulling back out at night without seeing a drop of daylight, I decided something needed to change. The obvious answer was that I was trying too hard and doing too much. Yes, I am a perfectionist, but the solution of slacking a little more and depending more on teacher aids still didn't solve the problem. I feel like I slack already, how can I let even more go? I decided I picked the wrong subject to teach. It’s not just me, all the English teachers seem to have my same time problem.
So, is this what I really want again for this year? Do I want to jump back into school when I just barely found happy Mitzi again these last few school free months?
With Chris’ first year of pharmacy school and a new baby, I often think I need to be at home. With us both going full speed, I'm sure Hayes would suffer if not. When school starts, Chris would have to give me more laundry responsibilities and dish scrubbing lessons though so I could be a good wife again. But at the same time, I think I shouldn't waste my degree and give up on something that helps society and doing something that I think I do well. Why can't I make a decision? Either decision I make makes me feel guilty and like I'm doing something wrong or letting people down.
I have one week to decide or I'll have to pay a $500 fine if I quit. Right now I'm leaning toward staying with my family and trying to make money wherever I can. My family is my numero uno priority, so I need to do what is good for them, but thinking of quitting makes me sick to my stomach. What to do, what to do?
To leave on a happy note, here is a picture I snapped of my 3 month old!
11 comments:
That is a hard decision. But I know what you mean, finding your happy self again. Good luck, and I will miss you if you stay home. But I guess I will miss you either way, because we would be on different days. :(
Oh my good friend Mitzi! I totally understand your dilemma! I have a great job now where I can actually get sleep at night, but I can't tell you how much I miss teaching! It is something that gets inside us and doesn't ever leave. Whatever you decide will be a sacrifice, but I know you will make the right decision that will make you happy! Good luck. You'll be in my prayers!
Good luck Mitz. The second you become a mom you make sacrifces for the good of your family but it's worth it in so many ways. Sorry you're having to deal with this right now. Sucks, but I say do what you think is best. You know it will work out!! It just does!
What a great mom and teacher you are. Here is my advice on this subject.Either way you will have days that you say to yourself I should have gone the other way, but I can promise you that when you look back you will never regret the decision to be at home with the most important thing in your life. The kids at school will definately miss out- but better to have them be the ones to miss out:) Hayes is beautiful!
Oh Mitzi! I am right there with you in this being a hard decision. I have stayed home with Ryan for the past 7 months and a few people have questioned me. And like the above comment says there are days I feel like I should be out working using my license. I have felt that I have let people down and my sweet husband reminds me that my little guy is our first priority and that I should be most concerned about not letting him down. But alot of moms work and are able to keep it all together-I guess it just comes down to how much you need the money, how much the job takes out of you, and if you have good people to watch him while you are gone. Go with whatever you feel strongest about, and you will make it work! Good luck with your decision, it is definately not an easy one :)
I too know what you mean! After I had Boston I did not want to go back to work! I was having way too much fun being a mommy! I didn't want to lose my license so I went back but just enough to keep my license. You'll make the right decision! But I say you stay home with your little one :)
oh my I know totally how you feel. Let me just tell you my opinion, ha ...I feel like the days that i do go to work when he has to be away from me or MP for the three hours that it is I have anxiety and I feel very un easy . The days that I dont work i am fine and like the nights before I work i dont sleep that well. they are only little for so long so I would say stay home with him you will never regret it and you are totally not letting anyone down by doing this and just think you can always go back when your kids are older so your education would never be a waste!!!! anyway good luck but Im still here if you need me!!
Hey Mitzi, I don't have that much advise to give. I will be facing similar decisions in the very near future and I feel for you.
I hope that whatever you decide it will, hopefully in the long run, be the better decision.
Let me know how it goes and if there is anyway I can help.
Mitzi, I just went through that decision in May when I had to sign my contract or resign. I went back to work for 1 month after my maternity leave was over, to finish the school year, and I totally know how you feel with "not being a good teacher." I felt like my lessons were fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants, and then I only got to see Alexis awake for like 4 hours every day. I didn't feel like I was doing an outstanding job in any area of my life. That's why I say "hats off" to working moms who seem to juggle their tasks so gracefully. I have found lots of joy at home, and am making money from home while experiencing my Lexie's early years, which I will never get back. Don't ever think your education was a waste though-- you got your degree to gain knowledge, which, like family, is something you'll have forever. I miss you Mitzi! Good luck. :)
Hey friend,
Every major fork in the road is tough, but all I can tell you from first hand experience is that...what it really comes down to is what will make you happy. In the short term, but more importantly the long term. And unfortunatly, the only one who can decide that is you. But deep down you know which decision will bring you the most happiness in the long run and when you feel you know...don't question, just leap. And it may take a while to feel your feet compleatly on the ground again, but when you do...you'll know you did the right thing because you followed your heart. I know it sounds cheesy, but it's true. Good luck! And if you ever need anyone, we are only a call away:)
I don't know what it is like to teach but I'm it would be hard to leave after all that work. You should read Dr. Laura's book about Stay-at-Home Moms, it's really good to hear what she has to say about this subject.
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