Weeks 9-12

How did we tell everyone? With these… It’ll be the first grandbaby (and great grandbaby) on Chris’ side of the family and they were all way excited. Anita even squealed a little. My dad’s family is so huge that our baby will fit right into the litter. I knew Kami and my aunt Meri would be thrilled (which they were) and I’ve got a ton of phone calls and e-mails from them and my friends just asking how I am. I don’t think they realize how much I appreciate that! Out of everyone I wondered what my dad’s reaction would be. He’s so cute and is way excited, as you can tell. After we showed him the ultrasound picture, Navie told Kami we were silly for giving Pop Pop a picture of an eye…or maybe a sidewalk. Sometimes I feel like it’s a huge piece of cement in there myself, good call Navie. She thinks we should name the baby Spiderman if it’s a boy or Abigail if it’s a girl. The way our name ideas are coming, they are actually starting to sound good. Good thing we have a long time to think of the perfect name.My mom was pretty excited too. When I told her the news, I don’t think it really registered at first. Later that night I got a text saying, “my baby is having a baby” and that's when I think it finally sunk in.

My survival kit this week:

Tums - heartburn sucks

Milk - it seems to lessen the heartburn

Gum - I heard chewing produces more saliva and reduces heartburn

Google - pregnancy & heartburn

I’ve always hated taking “real” medications, even simple stuff like Tylenol. I don’t know why. Maybe I feel weak when I take them or that they are going to come out with some recall in ten years that whatever I took will eventually cause cancer and kill me. I am especially more paranoid now that I'm taking medication for someone else. Marry into a family of pharmacists and try to explain that to them. Seriously, my in-laws have a mini pharmacy in their kitchen and they set out handfuls of pills every night for everyone to take the next day.

My first big accomplishment has been taking prenatals religiously and that is big for me. Now I think I’m officially ready to take the next step in life, Zantac. I'll probably ask my doctor at my next visit before I do anything huge. Mitzi, get over it!

Catching up, weeks 5-8

Here’s how the next few weeks went…

First comes nausea, well actually first came cramping or maybe even having to pee a lot, (it's all a blur already) but nausea was definitely at the top of the list. Really, already? Week 6ish came around and I thought I had some bird flu. No fever or sweats, just random nausea. Obviously not the flu. Aren’t you supposed to feel pregnant before the puking feelings emerge? Warning, warning. Who’s up for a little foreshadowing with the puking?

My recurring nightmare - I walk slowly at first as a room full of teenage eyes glare into the back of my head. “Where is she going?” they mutter. Once I make it to the door, I’m free to book it down my hall and dodge a few random students. It reminds me of a giant game of Frogger. I’m the frog half way across the street that is about to get pummeled. I lose all my pride as I bump into a kid that smells like the mall, Abercrombie to be exact, and he gives me an oh-you-just-didn’t look. Yes, I did and I would apologize if my mouth wasn’t full. I dive the last 30 feet looking for the safety of the bathroom. Luckily, I have only had one really bad day at school so far, and thankfully I was able to sneak away without being too obvious. I'll knock on wood about that one.

At this point I should have invested in some duck tape to slap across my mouth or a big fat muzzle to shut me up! I have to stop talking. I know I’m going to let the secret slip and yet I feel like everyone already knows somehow. If you know me, you know I talk about everything from my morning toothbrush session to a pair of shoes I saw at the mall, so something as huge as this is killing me to keep quiet. The less I talk the better!

Speaking of the mall, I run into an old friend and seriously wish I could be wearing one of those “I’m not fat, I’m pregnant” shirts so she doesn’t tell everyone how chunky I am. Yes, I know I’m not supposed to have really gained weight yet, but ugh, I swear my stomach is so squishy! I want these t-shirts for every day of the week. Think Chris would wear this one? Number overload. Brain conversions begin. Months turn into weeks, weeks turn into appointments and appointments turn into “whoa, what’s that?” The first doctor’s appointment was definitely an experience. Like a good sister, Kam gave me the heads up about this wand and rubber thing that looks like a…well, let’s just say I was shaking in my chair before they paged us in. What am I getting into?

I’ve never prayed so hard for something to be healthy. To be perfectly honest, I was scared to death that we were going to see a herd of babies chilling in there. As the doctor starts doing his thing my fear starts to become a reality as the word “babies” slips out of his mouth. Oh crap! I hear Chris take in a huge breath from over my shoulder. I don’t dare look in his direction. “Oh, I mean baby,” the doctor says as he lets out a few giggles and chomps his gum a few times. “Just kidding, for sure there is just one in there.” Not funny, not funny at all!

Congratulations, it looks like a lot of blotches with a little smudgy core. That’s the cutest smudge I’ve ever seen! The doctor showed us its little head and we tried our hardest to use our imagination to believe what we saw was a little baby. I immediately fell in love with its flickering heartbeat, what a relief. Our due date is officially April 13th which couldn’t be more perfect! I’ll take a little maternity leave and then slide right into summer vacation!

Remembering weeks 1-4

Like everything else I do in my life, I’m probably going to go way above the norm and blog way too much about this new pregnancy thing. I apologize now. I want to document all this because 1-) I want to remember every nitty gritty detail about pregnancy so if the time comes when a baby number two ever crosses my mind I can make an informed decision, and 2-) this is the only first pregnancy I’ll have and I’ll probably be way too busy to write stuff down next time. I realize most of this is TMI, so read as you wish and remember, I warned you! So, here is a catch up from the first few weeks.

The pregnancy scare. We’ve all had them. You have this feeling deep down that there’s a baby Mildred attached to your uterine wall and she’s clinging there with the death grip because she knows that you’re just not ready for a baby yet. Call it intuition, but you know you’re pregnant. Your mind tricks you into making up pregnancy symptoms and all. Then aunt Flow shows up and you take a deep breath. It’s happened to us all. In fact, mine came just a few months after we got married and were both still in school.

So, the month that I found out I was really pregnant, you’d think I’d see it coming...right? I guess my sixth sense has never really had a full battery because I’m always the last one to find out everything. Good thing I had already peed all over that little stick because I might have wet myself when I saw that very faint positive line. Was I imagining it? I didn’t (and still don’t) feel pregnant at all. I couldn’t just take one test, I had to be completely positive so I ended up taking three. One gave me a faint blue line, one was barely pink, and I finally had to get one that would blink “pregnant” at me. I still feel like going into the bathroom at 12 weeks and taking just one more test, just to be sure.

Wow, me a mom? The only thing I’ve ever taken care of was my brainless goldfish, Boris, that was blind in one eye and would ram into the tank going full speed. It’s sad to say, but I gave my fish away when I realized the only things fish do are eat, poop, and make a huge mess for me to clean up. Hummmm sounds like something else in my future!
Planning ahead - oh man, prego in Guatemala at 25ish weeks? Let’s play good idea, bad idea. Good idea- travel before you have a baby. Bad idea- before you have a baby travel to a foreign country, sleep on the floor, don’t drink the water, steer clear of the local food, try to build a building, slap a million mosquitoes, and have hardly any health care all while being knocked up. Do they have ice cream or pickles in Guatemala? What are we thinking…Guatemala?

I’m hoping something will change in the next little bit to make me realize I’m pregnant. I’d get excited over any change about now. I’d love a new motherly outlook on life or a change of eating habits even, but life just feels like life and I’ve always ate like I was feeding two.

What a present

In August Chris went on his yearly golf trip with some buddies to Vegas. Even though they had to golf in the hottest part of the day, they played for cheap and from the stories I heard had a lot of fun. To top it all off, Chris won over $600. Sweet! When he was gone I really missed him, so I decided to give him a present when he got home to show him how much I love him!

Here’s the letter I gave him…

Chris,

The other day when we were out at Meri’s, I walked outside and saw you jumping on the tramp with the kids. Nobody knew it, but you snuck away from the family and brought huge smiles to the faces of a handful of little ones. When we were standing in line at the grocery store, a girl with big brown eyes sitting in the cart in front of us couldn’t keep her eyes off you as you smiled at her. When you talk to Navie, you talk to her like she is the most important person in the world. You care, and kids love you for that.

When we make decisions about our lives, you are always strong and have faith. When I feel a little down, you are comforting and know exactly what to say. You are a rock and strong at times and carefree and full of laughs at others. Your laid back personality draws people to you and you have such a generous heart, and everyone loves you for that.

You’ve always talked about the little things in life like playing catch with our kids in the yard or teaching them how to use their first set of golf clubs, and I saw how your heart melted when you saw those little Red Sox onsies we passed in the store. You talk about being a dad like our dads have been, the one on the front row of the recitals, games, or whatever new adventure a child could bring. You will always be there for our family and our baby will love you for that.

I’m so glad to start this journey with you. You are going to be an amazing dad and I love you for that.

At this point I could see the crease in his forehead appear and he looked at me with a little question in his eyes. He quickly reached in the bag I had given him and his eyes got even wider as he pulled out the things inside.

Chris would never admit it, but he even got a little choked up. Priceless! I can’t believe how much I love him!

Now we can’t wait until April 13th!

I tag Kami, Paige, Erin, Michelle, Lisa, Ruth, & anyone else that's up for this. What? We tag people for everything else, why not a baby? Come on, you know you want to!

Called to serve

Andy,
To be honest, when I first met you I didn’t really know what to think. You were 14, full of stories (which most of them had to be double and triple checked for accuracy) and crazy about life. If something was in the making, you were smack dab in the middle of it. Now, five years later, I can’t believe how mature you have become!

You rocked your farewell speech sharing your testimony with us all! Chris and I still haven’t been able to stop the tears. You can’t believe how much we are going to miss you, but go out there and conquer Minneapolis. We all know that you have a gift that’s going to make a difference in a lot of lives.

Congrats Elder Torgersen and go rock the Hmong language!

The last day of summer

Today officially marks the last day of summer for me as I head back to work bright and early in the morning. As I think of my alarm blaring at me at 5:30 for the next nine months, I feel a little tear start to gather in my eye. Not only that, but my next job is putting hundreds of names to their cute little faces and forcing them into long term memory. Not bad enough you say, try getting a stupid yearbook picture taken tomorrow. I thought I was over the days of worrying about a bad yearbook picture!

To honor this summer, here's one last hooray for the fun I've had these glorius last three months. What better place to start then with a picture of the girls I love. What can beat a girl's night out?

I can't think of this summer without thinking of all my dodgeball friends, our giggles, and our outbursts at the refs (and occasionally a select few on the other teams).

The sidelines. This is unfortunately where most of us spend our time! And the best part of this summer is just getting together with friends. Kam and Dax made us the best food this last week and let us all hang out in their newly finished yard!

For one final shabang, my family came up tonight to celebrate some birthdays at the pool.

Here's the cakes Kam made.

These were so cool, you need a closer look.

So, wish me luck for this school year. I'm afraid with coaching the boys and girl's golf teams I'm going to really need it!

On a more serious note

When something's bouncing around in my brain, my first reaction is to reach for a piece of paper. I guess that's why I love blogging so much. It's somewhere to lock all my thoughts in one place and who knows, maybe even entertain someone for 30 seconds. So, I'm not trying to be like Rev Run who sits in a bubble bath and spreads encouragement through his blackberry, but I do want to make sense of the rubble in my head. Here's my fragments...

Sometimes it’s so easy to get down on ourselves. I’m sure I shouldn’t be saying such things out loud because it has to be some type of social disaster to let others know you aren’t perfect, but sometimes our lows seem unbearably low. It’s hard to accept that cloudy days are a part of life too. I’ve been starting to believe that I was the only person born with tear ducts, so therefore I had to overcompensate for others lack of.

Our world sets us up to believe that everyone has a perfect life…except us. People are fast to talk about their perfect this and that, but how fast are we to tell the real stories? Real is so refreshing. We hide the hard things and put our “perfection” on a pedestal for all to see, and we continue the cycle that makes us all believe that everyone else is perfect, except us.

At any given time during the day, each one of us could probably look up and see the handful of expectations hovering over our heads. If by some random chance that just one of those expectations fall, we chalk it up to being a complete failure.

Instead of trying to help each other out in this tricky world, we feel like we have to compete. Instead of working on our relationships, we are quick to feel alone. Instead of asking for help, we hide. Even though I have a lot of great blessings in my life, I’ll tell everyone right now that my life isn’t perfect and yes, I have bad days too. I think we are all a little more alike in this category than we talk about. Lately, I have felt like no matter how hard I try, I always trip and fall just short of the finish line. No matter how much I give, I’m not quite there. There’s always something I should have thought about.

All we can do is be better. Let’s all forget each other’s faults, be real, and then try to help each other survive this crazy world. No more unreal expectations. Everyone needs a support group and it can never be big enough.

My new to-do list:
embrace who I am
let those that rock know they rock
don’t drag myself over the coals
be a better friend

My life is incomplete without you...

My long lost friends...where have you been? I desperately (no pun intended) need your company. I know, Chris is sorry...he really doesn't hate you! Andrew Firestone was my favorite... but now I pray Jason is next! I'll patiently await your return but please come back soon! I've kind of been sick, sigh...again, and I've spent some serious quality time with my couch the last couple of days. First I got my wisdom teeth yanked, now all this stuffy pressure from a cold that won't go away! Seriously, who gets sick in the summer?

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It wouldn't be so bad, except I have now come to the conclusion that daytime television sucks! Have you ever honestly watched an entire episode of The View? Gag! Could someone teach them that it's rude to interrupt. Hello, we can't understand that pandemonium you call a conversation. And Whoopi for heaven sakes, could you be a more pessimistic person? Maybe I'm just extra sensitive because her voice made my head hurt even worse than it already did. Does anyone else think so or have I just become a crabby old couch lady?

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Hummm, crabby...come to think of it, Chris did leave an hour early for work today. You better believe I texted him when I realized just how early he left. "Let's play a game," I said. "You are either A- in love with your job, B- sick of your wife, or C- at the golf course." His reply, "well it's not A or B." Now I think about it, it very well could have been both B and C! When did I turn into such a prickly person? Call me crabby crab head. A grump from the city dump.

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At this point I need good reality TV and fast before my desperation and I turn to Flavor of Love for entertainment! Pathetic, sure but don't we all have weaknesses! Hey, maybe I could share one of your obsessions instead.

By the way, who do you think will win Big Brother 10? My votes go to Ollie or Dan

Red Sox Governor

PLEASE, PLEASE, VOTE!!!

Chris' dad is running for Red Sox Governor for Utah!

If you knew Dave at all, you would understand that being Red Sox Governor for Utah would seriously be his dream job.

If he won, he would get"special access" to Fenway, which I'm sure would bring tears to his eyes (not even kidding, he cried in Fever Pitch) and he would be in charge of local Red Sox parties, which I'm sure you all want to go to...you know you love the BoSox ;).

All you have to do is go to http://boston.redsox.mlb.com/bos/fan_forum/rsn_gov_support_form.jsp

and put in his information. The more votes the more chance he has to win!

Name: David Torgersen

E-mail: dmtorgersen@comcast.net

State: Utah

You can vote 10 times per e-mail, so the more you vote the better!

Polls don't close until August 5, at 9:00 pm.

Thanks a bunch and good luck Dave!

P.S. I won't tell if you vote for your grandma, sister, and best friend too!

Meet little Miss Isabelle

We had such a fun little photo session together!

Tahoe

Disclaimer: Before you read this I want you to know that first, I am very grateful for the awesome vacation we were able to go on with Chris’ family. Second, Chris and I love most dogs. With that being said, let me tell you about Tahoe.

The long drive to California was just as long as I remembered. Well, it wasn’t hard to remember having driven to Cali just the week before, but anyway, the long drive was overflowing with fun. My favorite part was a blow out tire in the middle of nowhere. Seriously, it was funny! Chris’ dad got a little stressed trying to figure out if we should turn around back to Battle Mountain or keep going for-ev-er to the next exit. Plus, all the tire stores were already closed. Who knew Chris could change a tire like that! The best part was the tiny donut on our big van that looked hilarious. We were piddling along so slow that even big semi trucks were passing us in annoyance. At this point, was it rude for me to laugh?

Then you have to love the many miles of warm dog smell creeping in your nose. Yep, all six of us and our luggage plus Rocky in the van. Maybe I should share Chris and my feelings about the family dog before I go too far. We’ll just say Chris was in a ton of trouble when he told his little sister he hated Rocky. Anita calls him the “little brother” and I just think he’s high maintenance. Two walks a day rain or shine. He eats human food at the dinner table with us. He whines until Anita does what he wants, but the worst is his bark that makes you wonder how really terrible it would be if you were deaf. Too far? Okay, I’ll ease up a bit. It’s mostly that Rocky hates us, well everyone except Chris’ mom.

It wasn’t until after we ate soggy food in our hotel room (which you can’t help but question if another dog had peed where you were sitting because the hotel “happily accepts animals”) because we couldn’t leave Rocky alone to go out to dinner, when Chris dropped the “hate” word. That was some funny stuff! Anita kept saying, “But Chris, he’s your brother…” That's a conversation that should be put in the family history books. Really Chris? The “h” word...that took guts! I love it!

Just imagine this. Chris' dad walking to Burger King to get Rocky a hamburger while we all got Taco Time because duh, Rocky doesn't eat Taco Time. Funny! To top it all off, the last straw was when I couldn't put my feet down for a couple hours in the car because Rocky decided to occupy my only two feet of personal space on the floor. When I reached down to move him after my feet fell asleep, he snapped and growled at me. Don't be fooled by his friendly exterior. Okay, enough about the dog. The rest of the trip was amazing. I’d like to name our vacation “the ultimate action packed Torgersen boot camp vacation.” Here’s our schedule to prove it: golf, rafting, beach, tennis, the park, baseball, more tennis, more golf, the fitness trail, more tennis, and on and on. Now, I like to think I am the ultimate planner, but this planning was way out of my league. We always had something going on. I finally had to give myself a time out while everyone else went to the course to let my muscles (and sunburn) recover. Tahoe is so pretty and it was nice to get the entire family together.

We don’t get to spend enough time with Chris’ aunt Jen and her family from Arizona. I’m really lucky to have married into such a fun family (minus the dog). Okay, okay, I’m just kidding! If anyone in Chris’ family is still reading this and doesn’t hate me for the dog comments, thanks so much for a great vacation! We loved it!